Unfortunately, dreaming of “happily ever after” as a newlywed can create unrealistic expectations and lots of problems down the road. So much of marriage advice today is too complicated, too pie-in-the-sky, and too out of touch with contemporary marriage.
These mistakes are not complicated to understand. Yet, newlyweds who make these mistakes at the beginning of their lives together will get off to a rough start. Here are some mistakes they make and few tips on how to overcome them:
You make assumptions about what your new spouse likes, dislikes, enjoys, or thinks.
Assumptions lead to trouble — and men who order for their wives could end up eating alone. Ask them!
The old adage is certainly true that to assume is to make an “ass out of you and me!” And the corollary is, never ignore behaviors in your spouse that bother you.
Talk about them. It will strengthen your relationship if you .
You assume role stereotypes early in your marriage.
Phrases such as “that’s a man’s job” or “that’s woman’s work” have no place in modern romances. Early role assignments based on stereotypical roles will only create imbalance and potential frustration later.
Take the time to talk about each of your strengths, what responsibilities best fits each person, and how the two of you can share the burdens of life together in your marriage. Think in terms of “us” and “we” instead of “you” and “me.”
You mount up a “butt load” of debt when you first get married.
Racking up too much debt is pure poison when it comes to your marriage. Keep the use of credit cards under control. The single greatest cause of and marital discourse is debt and other financial-related issues.
Trying to change your spouse
Presumably, you married your spouse because you are in love with him or her. If that’s the case, then there’s no for changing your spouse. Frankly, most adults don’t drastically change, so your best bet is to accept your spouse and love him or her for the ways he or she is unique and different and not in spite of those things. Trying to change your spouse will only hurt his or her feelings – and damage your marriage.
Getting off on the wrong foot with your in-laws
If the damage has already been done, do whatever you can to improve the relationship you have with your in-laws. Be the first to extend the olive branch because the only person who gets hurt when you fight with the in-laws is your spouse, who feels caught in the middle.
Fighting over silly stuff
Every married person has argued with his or her spouse over something that seems insane to outsiders – from the notorious cap left off the toothpaste to underwear left on the doorknob. Save your arguments for more important subjects. Let these pet peeves remain as simple Honestly, if the worst thing your spouse does is leave his dirty socks on the floor, you should consider yourself lucky.
Your spouse has already chosen you for life. Being jealous is a waste of time and just offends your spouse, who will start to believe that you don’t trust him or her. If he or she has always been trustworthy, you should not even bother with jealousy. It is poison to a relationship.
Acting like you’re still single
Now is the time to grow up. Hanging out with your friends all night and going to clubs was all right when you were a single person with no one waiting for you at home. As a married person, there are behaviors that are no longer appropriate. You know what’s right and what’s wrong, so just do the right thing.
Spending too little time together
You need to tend to your marriage as though it’s a flower. Without water, sunlight, and some attention, it will never grow. Therefore, you have to manage your schedule, so that you spend quality time with your spouse.
Rushing into having children
Some couples don’t give themselves enough time to be married to each other. If you can wait to you should consider it because you’ll never have this time alone again. Once children arrive, they will have to be the focus of your attention. Your heart certainly has room for children and a spouse, but you should spoil one another while you can.
Abandoning your sex life
Marriage does not have to mean the end to good sex It is part of your job as married people to maintain your sexual health, keep things interesting, and make sure you and your spouse are satisfied. When problems do arise, you should address them and do what you can to improve the situation.