Some of us don’t trust ourselves, I mean, how do you do that? not trusting your very own self? that’s why we hear people say “I don’t even trust myself” and then you expect someone who doesn’t trust him or herself to trust you? How? Is it not what you have that you’ll extend towards others?
Some of us don’t just trust others even when it comes to the tiniest of issues. We don’t trust others to make decisions for them-selves and sometimes we don’t even trust them enough to make suggestions concerning anything related to us. It gets even worse with some people that they can’t even introduce their friends to each other or allow that person accompany them to functions or important places.
Having trust issues didn’t just start in one day, it was stemmed out of certain life experiences of either ourselves or others which we have chosen not to totally forget consciously or unconsciously and it influences our relationships with others either positively or negatively.
This issue of trust plays a very vital role in our lives, believe me, I know what I’m talking about so I’m going to talk about three categories of relationships that suffer from trust issues.
Between Parents and Children
Most parents don’t trust their kids though they won’t admit it but that’s what it really looks like sometimes. They believe their kids would turn out either the way they did or like the other kids they don’t want their kids to be like them, hence home becomes a prison to the kids. It’s normal for you to not want your children to make the mistakes you made while growing up but there should be a better way you can go about it other than locking them up in the house or suspecting every move they make when they’re out of your sight. What parents don’t know is that no matter how you lock children down or restrict them from doing whatever, it only makes them smarter because they always find a way out of no way. They can do everything you don’t want them to do right under your nose and you won’t even realise it. In your superior mind, you have the best children, ever obedient bla bla while your neighbours who allows their children go out are just terrible parents but look at the how those kids turn out eventually and look at yours then you’d see that it’s not about what they do when you’re around, it’s what they do when you’re out of sight. This isn’t to say that you should let your kids do what they like as they could misuse the opportunity but remember you’re not omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent so I’ll suggest you “train up a child in the way (s)he should go and when (s)he’s old, (s)he won’t depart from it.”
This goes to either married or unmarried couples. People barely trust their partners in this generation and it gets even worse with more technology, more social networks etc. I hear people say stuff like “I don’t know what he/she is doing where he/she is” (for couples who stay far from each other) probably because of your past experience or that of your friend or something you even heard somewhere so as a result you decided not to put all your eggs in one basket. You called your partner and she was sounding sleepy but because you believe normal people shouldn’t be sleeping at 12noon, you concluded that she was doing ‘something ’. You as the lady call him and he picked the phone but you heard voices of other females at the background and you concluded that he was flirting with someone. It even gets to the extent that couples check each other’s messages and even stalk their partners on their social networks just to makes sure they aren’t competing with anyone. I won’t blame us, yes, I said us because it happens to most of us, in fact, most of the ones who trust the most discover that their partners are doing the most unexpected so we take the lesson into our next relationship #oncebittentwiceshy. Two things I believe in when it comes to issues of trust and relationship is;
>Trust your partner until he or she proves you wrong,
>If long distance isn’t your thing, you shouldn’t be into it in the first place and if it wasn’t a long distance relationship when it started and it turned out to be for one reason or another, end the relationship or try to trust your partner because constantly wondering about what your partner is doing in your absence is dangerous to your health so it’s healthy if you don’t dwell on those thoughts or just call it quits. Whatever works for you as long as you stay alive because no one will date your corpse.
It’s advisable however for people who want to get married someday to learn to trust their partners because if you can’t trust him or her while at work then you still won’t if (s)he’s out of the state or country. If you’re married and you have trust issues, the same applies #trustuntilprovenotherwise.
This is a crucial part of this topic because if you don’t have a partner or a parent, you must have friends. Even if you don’t have a lot, you would have one or two people you can trust if you don’t have trust issues. You might not know your friend inside and out but your friend should be someone who comes in when the world goes out, someone you can rely on no matter the situation. If that friend acts the opposite, I won’t blame you for having trust issues. Some people take advantage of their friends at the slightest opportunity they have and that’s why most people begin to suspect every friend they have. He gives your partner a handshake and you’re already having negative taught, meanwhile he was just being friendly but because of your other friend messed with your Ex, you’ve learnt your lesson, same for the females too. If you don’t trust your friends with any of your dealings, don’t tell them about it instead of telling them and wondering what they might do with the information. Also, if you don’t trust your friend with your partner, try not to let them know each other but then again, a partner who’ll cheat will cheat whether with your friend or not.
Trust until the person proves you wrong and try not to carry your hurt into your next relationship whether it’s with your child, spouse or friend.